1. I feel like Ben Roethlisberger has been 40 years old for 10 years

  2. me: god, why must you give me your hardest battles god: i don't. you are my weakest soldier and these battles are so easy. it's an email why are you crying

  3. i give out weed candy to kids on halloween. i get it specially made to look like regular candy which costs me thousands of dollars every year but i think it’s fun. i won’t stop.

  4. Perhaps if police officers pretended Brian Laundrie had an alleged counterfeit $20 bill, they wouldn't have allowed him to "vanish."

  5. vaccine card is too big for my wallet and too thick for a good origami swan I hate it

  6. At a certain point you just get tired of your own acts. you have to force yourself to meditate, workout, eat mindfully and read the books to form a routine that gives you a sense of happiness within yourself again. it’s exhausting i know, but you gotta keep fighting for yourself

  7. me getting a $300 bar tab for drinks that are already gone: that's city livin for ya baby me seeing a $70 price tag on a pair of jeans that would last me 10 years: are these people insane

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